There is no easier way to be disappointed than to be unclear about the expectations you have for someone you are involved with at home or at work. People are not mind readers nor should they be expected to be. I had the privilege of hearing Brene Brown researcher and professor at the University of Houston speak in June of 2019 (she has amazing stuff on YouTube) and one of the things she said was “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” If we are clear on what we need from someone they can say; “yes, I can do that for you/with you” or they can respond with “I can’t do that and this is why can we find another solution?” But if you don’t set expectations from the start resentments can and will grow.

Example of how it happens at my house. When we moved into this fixer upper one of the things that was very clear was the previous owner had not taken care of the hard water. It was a long tedious process to get the rust off of the tile. Matter of fact, when I first saw it I said I would rather replace it than try to clean it. But my Dad had a solution that was not very costly so I tried it and it worked. I had not however, cleaned the glass doors. I became pretty sick to my stomach cleaning the tiles with a window cracked, the vent fan running plus cleaning a little at a time. So I asked the guys to remove the doors so I could clean them without passing out and to do a more complete job. Somehow, they forgot about removing the doors. This happens when there are so many projects to do. In the meantime, Big E and I are trying to be nice (there is a first time for everything!) and we don’t mention it to each other until….one day….you know that one day when everything aggravates you and he says to me, “is there a specific reason why you didn’t clean the shower doors?” to which I respond, “because you didn’t take them off like you said you would.” We both just stand there staring at each other for a hot second. (tell me you haven’t had a moment like this) We had both been getting irritated with the other because of expectations. I expected he wouldn’t forget to take the doors off and he expected I would get on YouTube and figure it out because I had done that with other things. But shower doors are HEAVY and I wasn’t going to even try to do that for fear of dropping them. Our guy Nick took them off the next day, and tada(!) they were cleaned. No more growing resentment.

I bet that never happens to you does it? You don’t have conversations where someone says, “but I thought you were going to – fill in the blank.” At home or at work. It happens here all of the time. This is one we will have to work on forever folks. I am telling you, I live with two of the most intelligent and verbal people I know. The Little One and Big E both make a living in sales but communication at home, it gets a little interesting at times. I think that is why I need to laugh, these two are too cerebral for me LOL!

Anyway, I have learned especially with these two that I have to say I need this task completed by Saturday can you do that for me? And they can say yes, no, when they can and then I put it on my calendar because sometimes they forget. Vagueness just doesn’t cut it. I did ask Big E to rotate my tires before the weather got bad and he said he would, guess what? Not rotated, I reminded him, he said sorry, I forgave him. Even thought it will take him 30 minuets or less that was predictable I was too vague. Ooops! So here at my house direct city: you have to say what you mean, and mean what you say, and many times put a timeline on it too. All so we can have a more predictable life. Don’t let your expectations go unspoken.