I wrote on the 6th about boundaries and how hard they used to be for me. I think a huge part of that is because of lack of self awareness. Good ole Webster says self awareness is: Conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires. There is a huge push in the last couple of years for self awareness in the work place and I believe it immensely improves most work sites whether corporate or blue collar. Because if we truly start making people behave with self awareness then the bullies and jerks will have to pull their act together. It will no longer matter how good their work is they will have to behave in certain ways or look for other employment and it will improve the workplace environment. Let’s take these one at a time like we did before.

Character: Trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, citizenship. Are we born with these or do we develop these over time? I love a good nature vs. nurture debate, we will have to devote one post to just that. I believe we are born with basic instincts that are positive in all of the previous mentioned characteristics but situations and circumstances can and will adjust some of these positive things over time. I have lived enough of life now that I know that when someone behaves in such a way that is out of character for them something much deeper is going on and probably has been for some time. They need my prayers, empathy, love and NOT my judgement.

Feelings: emotional reaction. This is the one where I learned to bury my actual feelings by being busy. My spouse was uncomfortable with my tears/emotions/feelings and actually said to me, “I am sick of hearing about how you feel.” I now understand that, that was HIS problem and not mine. I have the right to my feelings and to express them as long as I express them in a healthy way. I will be forever grateful to Joy who taught me that. I don’t always get it right, and *Big E has come a long way in his receiving of my emotions. (*all names have been adjusted to protect the wounded and working on it.) So if I am sad, I don’t have to justify it, if someone or something offends me, I have the right to address it in a healthy and calm manner. And when anger rears its ugly head that is o.k. too as long as it is dealt with in way that is not damaging to the other person or myself. I recently read that if you are really upset with someone try to stop and remember – you can always tell them to Bleep off tomorrow. Most likely tomorrow you won’t be as angry and will find a more positive way of expressing yourself.

Motives: reason for doing something, especially if the reason is hidden. I find motives especially intriguing. Don’t we all think we are pretty positive? Oh, I wouldn’t do anything for the wrong motive, or would I? Really at the end of the day, if the motive is for personal gain (if I do this, then my daughter in law will do that) is the motive positive OR have we moved into manipulation? Definitely somethings to think about.

I am sure there are experts that can expound more on self-awareness. Remember I am just a gal with a blog sharing her “Reflections of an Unpredictable Life.” So if I have forgotten something you feel is important please let me know, lets talk about it.

In the meantime, how does one become more self-aware? For me I went to counselling. Above I mentioned Joy, I did not change her name, she is a jewel and helped refocus my emotional and spiritual life. However, if that is not your thing you can start by monitoring your thoughts, how to do you speak to yourself? Probably in such a way that you would not allow someone else. Journal, yep Oprah was right; writing things down can help you look at your life in a different light. Start listening to your gut, your are a smart person, there is a reason why you are feeling the way you feel. And if you are really brave, ask someone you really trust if there are some things you could work on to be a more positive, productive person. Remember I said brave because you are giving them permission to critique you and that can be painful but worth it.

So what does this have to do with Boundaries? Once you are more self aware you will change boundaries in your life. You will be better prepared when your boundaries are crossed. You will also react better to uncontrollable factors, face disappointments better, you will start developing a higher emotional intelligence giving you constructive reactions to unpredictable reactions of someone who is not as self-aware. Its an interesting journey and definitely unpredictable, but I know it is worth it!