Here is the absolute real reason I thought I would start this blog. I am blessed to still have my parents and I have three amazing children as well. In my life everyone is healthy….so far. My children are out on their own for the most part, the youngest just graduated from college in May of 2019, moved back home knowing she had a full time job to start three weeks later and the other two children have their own homes. In a perfect world we all get along all the time just like a Hallmark card, but this isn’t a perfect world is it? I love having all of the family together for the holidays, the planning, the cooking, the decorating, gathering around the table to eat, that is until two of my children decide to share sharp words with each other and boy can they go at it. I thought at this stage of life, the only thing sharp at the table would be the knifes. The only noise would be made by Grand babies that have not been born yet. But no, these two find some teeny, tiny thing to bring up and really have a war of words. What is a mom to do? There were actual tears at Thanksgiving and I had ask the to go into separate rooms for awhile. I never dreamed this would happen when they were in their 20’s. In the meantime my sweet dad fell asleep sitting at the head of the table because he had not slept well the night before and he doesn’t hear well either so their childish behavior didn’t bother him. However, it was a wake up call for me that he isn’t getting any younger.
Here I am in the middle. What they call the sandwich generation. I feel it will be a privilege to do whatever my parents need as time goes on, if they need anything. My concern is will I have the emotional fortitude to do it well when they need me? How will I balance work, family, aging parents, possibly grandchildren, in the next few years? Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball, but I don’t so here I am folks blogging and hoping we all have some practical advice for each other. What does one do when you have adult children that refuse to get along at the holidays? What do you do when you know for sure the most unpredictable thing in your life at the holidays will for sure be how your two youngest children (in their 20’s!) will or will not behave upsetting the peace that should be available to all the generations in the room?
Feel blessed because you truly are. Be stern when the childish behavior raises its head, remember they are still children. Even though they are in their 20’s there is a level of maturity that hasn’t been reached yet. Remember how we behaved well into our 30’s? It takes a while to get to the point where we don’t sweat the small stuff. Some would give anything to host the family gatherings again. Moving 70 miles away from parents, one sibling, and an adult son with his own family has made my family gatherings difficult. I’m still willing & able but travel for my parents is hard. There may or not be other reasons Holidays are difficult to arrange with my adult son. That’s a discussion for another day.
You are right I am blessed to have everyone around one table. I guess my kids are just way more verbal than we were. Maybe if I said more things I’d be closer to my brother now than I am. (Another discussion for another post) Thanks for the reminder and thank you for joingin the discussion!
I hadn’t heard the term sandwich generation, but it is appropriate. Trying to balance everyone’s needs and stuck in the middle. I’m there with ya. Aging parents and 20 something kids. Parenting is less physically demanding now- no driving and lessons or music practice and school events, but still the emotional worry about them. When they were little at least we were in control. There’s no controlling adults.
E’s dad is nearby in assisted living, and we are his primary caretakers. My MIL passed away earlier this year… have been caring for them both and managing all affairs. In and out of hospitals and rehab/ both of them…grocery shopping for them Moving them, visiting them, taking them out, emptying their condo and selling it….and on and on
I’m with you, though, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to care for parents and honor our family commitments. It’s a responsibility of love. I don’t have any answers. I’m figuring it out day by day, a balancing act. But trying to get some self care mixed in. All the things we need to do, have to do, want to help, problems to solve. We can’t do everything. So, we do what we can. I applaud you for starting th blog as something for yourself (and others) as a way of making it through. I think reflection is helpful.
Hi,
Your comment somehow ended up in Spam. I did not mean to ignore you. Please remember this is new to me. I appreciate the time you took to respond. I am glad you are in this with me. I believe together we can do things better, help each other with resources, and remind each other that this too shall pass.