I had another post planned for today until I had something puzzling and concerning happen on Social Media over the weekend. Perhaps I am naïve, I know I long for a more polite society there is no doubt about that but when did
As I have said before I am not hugely political but I did make the mistake of posting something that had political implications on my Facebook the other day. It really had more to do about my opinion of two wrongs don’t make a right than a political party. It was about the concern of explaining a gay candidate to a child versus explaining what Trump said about grabbing women inappropriately. (And please let’s not get into that debate on here.) And then it was off to the races! Clinton immediately was brought up which again maybe I am naïve but I was like why are we talking about something that happened twenty years ago? Next thing I knew I was called brainwashed (which I found interesting since I am one of the most outspoken people I know) and there was finger-pointing and I tried to redirect the conversation to what my intent was which was inapproriate behavior versus being gay, not political parties but it was too late.
Ironically the people who were “going after me” were both men but it gets even stranger. I had men messaging me saying how inappropriate they thought these two men were for the way they were interacting with me like that on social media and I was like yes, right! You should tell them! But they didn’t. Huh? In the meantime, I had a female friend tell me I should delete it because I look crazy. I know she is uncomfortable with confrontation but I don’t know what is crazy about standing up for women. I know she reads my blog perhaps she will enlighten me
I did delete it. I know people can get hot when they discuss politics and why I posted it in the first place was long gone and totally lost. Lesson learned about that. I am still dumbfounded that men came to my aide privately BUT they would not go on Facebook to say it all the while two other men were so forceful in their attempts to justify what Trump may or may not have done that people were concerned about me. (except for Greg thanks for stepping up)
So I am wondering what the deal is. I could never have predicted that in a million years. Yes, I know people are upset right now on both sides of the political arena that really isn’t anything new. Is it all of the Social Media that we have that makes it more intense? I am interested in what you think.
One last thing. My first job out of high school I worked in a store that had a small back room, everyone had to use it to get to the one restroom. At the end of one evening, it was just the Assistant Manager and I closing up and he trapped me in that room. Because of who I am I was not hurt or assaulted but there are women out there that are not as assertive as I am (and by the way I was barely 18 at the time this happened) I know he would have assaulted them. I told the Manager and nothing happened. This was 1985. I still remember what that feels like. The man in power over that young girl abused it and nothing happened. I will always get riled up over abuse of power over a woman that is one thing friends in this life that you can predict about me.
“Naïve or crazy” … funny. But neither is the case for you, Somewhat like yourself, I’m a bit of a Johnny-come-lately to social media, although I’ve been on FB longer than you. We can merely categorize it as a lack of experience, is all. It took me awhile, but I realized that social media (especially Facebook) has a real strong tendency to remove and/or neutralize certain interactive social dynamics and modes of non-verbal communication. Seriously. Specifically, I make reference to non-verbal modes of communication. Gestures, body language, facial expressions, etc. Now, remember growing up and when we communicated with people, overwhelmingly we did so face to face. We learned from a very young age to subconsciously interpret non-verbal modes of communication. These are strong influential tools in our communications-toolbox. Tools that influence the courses and outcomes of “what” we used communications to accomplish in the first place. Sure, we employ communication to interact socially. Romantically. Economically. But what specifically are people constantly doing that we either never think about? Or that they will downplay? That, for some people who are unaware, they will literally swear they do not do? Answer: vie for a place in the social pecking order. In most everything we do as socially oriented humans, everywhere you find us you will find social organization. Social heirarchies, pecking orders. In functional cultures, and dysfunctional cultures. Human social creatures have a need to be accepted, respected and to fit into a social group, and part of the ‘fitting’ is entering the fray and vying for a place in that pecking order. Part of social acceptance is the reward of prestige (positive recognition of peers), which factors into the determination of placement in a social hierarchy, be it work, community, or at home. We are literally driven to pursue that prestige, that social status, and that acceptance. In that pursuit, we are literally and virtually in competition with other humans, constantly. Most of us never even come to realize what we are doing. Now … remove the ‘face-to-face’ aspect. We sit in separate rooms, in the same house or miles apart, but we communicate through a keyboard and a screen. No longer do I have to fear the punch in the face the bigger kid on the playground would assuredly bequeath to me if I challenged his bullyish bid for physical and social dominance. No longer do I have to weather the steely, penetrating fierceness of that angry or disapproving look in my mother’s green gunfighter eyes. (To say nothing of that lightning quick backhand) All of those non-verbals by which we signal to others are … gone. But what is not gone is our inherent, and largely sub-conscious need and drive to vie and compete with others for acceptance, status, and prestige. There is where the soup gets thick. And sticky, even. The gloves come off, so to speak. Cyberbullying, trolling, sniping, etc. … all dysfunctional adaptations to the artificial arena of communications that social media is 80% composed of. People, in pursuit of that acceptance, prestige, praise, dominance, that respect, they have the balancing factors and the regulators removed from the equation. Yay, us. Yay for social media. I hope that some of that proves useful or helpful in analyzing this issue.
Well said! I can not thank you enough for that well-articulated response. I couldn’t agree more. Because you answered so proficiently, let me ask you this. The people who talked to me privately and not on the page, they just wanted to know that I was o.k. and did not need to “deal with” the bullies. Yes? They were self-confident enough not to desire the engagement on a social platform and yet wanted to know if I was alright. Correct?